Greetings from Spockgirl Musings, where logic rules, but the frailties of
human nature, genetic inadequacies and hormonal imbalances wreak havoc.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

The artistry of spilled milk...

I had poured the milk and was putting it back in the fridge when it started to slip. I saw it fall from my hands and head towards the floor in slow motion. I could see a small puddle form just as I swooped down to grab the carton, only to realize that “You’re not supposed to bend down like that after heart surgery stupid.” Miraculously, the carton was still pretty much closed. I noticed afterwards that more milk had been spilled than had been previously noted, as I saw it in three other spots, as well as on the grate at the bottom of the fridge. I had quickly thrown down pieces of paper towel on it and in the nooks and crannies, until I could get back to it for proper cleaning. Needless to say, I waited until almost the end of the day to complete that task, which for whatever reason seemed to be much more arduous than it was.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017


I have metal staples from ankle to groin on my left leg. I have metal staples on the chest bone. I have a few stitches on my rib-cage. Apparently they also took a vein from the mammary area. Surgery was two weeks ago Friday. I came home a week later. I had run some errands with assistance the day of and the day after, but none since then. I have not yet been able to walk outside. In the house I hobble around and do my physio exercises in the warmth of the laundry room sunshine. I showered at the hospital, on my own, with the leg completely wrapped up in black garbage bags and taped snugly, along with the IV on the right wrist wrapped with plastic as well. I have not showered at home yet as I have not regained my balance sufficiently to do so, but that is the Thursday night task. 

On an interesting side-note, surgery was typically three to four, perhaps six hours... I went under at 1pm and everything was a complete black void until I heard a voice saying "It is 11pm, you should wake up..." Having been on extra pain medication for the first couple days and a diuretic for the duration, I was pretty much up less than every hour, the walking dead, head tilted to the left, eyes glazed over, using the walker without thought nor care except to get to where I needed to go and back. I felt bad for the nurses on duty who had to unhook me... every single time... I had to get up... ten times the first night... and more the next day... I did appreciate the fact that things hit me considerably harder than most of the patients. I could hear and see everything, even though my eyes were closed and it looked as though I was sleeping. 

Although I had time to attend pre-admission clinics, read the material, practice what I could do and not do, I was woefully unprepared. Any questions asked were the ones most ignored, during, before and after, and the ones which would have made recovery a bit less strained. Ah well, c'est la vie... My hope was, and is, that I may feel less tired than I had before, and that perhaps I will feel more alive as time goes on.

(Quadruple coronary artery bypass surgery)

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

The only telling sign...

... is how both mentally and physically tired I am with no exertion whatsoever.

Monday, September 11, 2017

And then I realize the day...

"It's the little things that kill 
Tearing at my brains again"

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

My great big fat summer vacation...

In a couple weeks I get to have my chest-bone sawed apart and my heart opened up and fiddled around with. This is a wee bit more worrisome than having had my eye sliced open and fluid sucked out. Even though I was awake for that.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Such is the nature of conversations...

"I ask you a question for which your response allows me a glimpse into your personality."

Friday, August 18, 2017

I do...

I want to write. I feel like I have things to say. I just can't seem to formulate any coherent thoughts.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Shivers down my spine?

I swear there is no breeze... no wind.. no one there... but the cymbal moved as if someone brushed past it.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

LIfe after 50...

Just over two months ago I turned 50. In celebration of this fact, I had yet another scan, an ultrasound, a sleep apnea test (which I knew it wasn't, but they had to rule it out), more bloodwork and an angiogram. Next up? Heart Bypass Surgery. Five blockages, two of which are 100%. The damage has been done, and there was no point in just doing stents. So after almost a year of all these tests, this is the outcome. When asked a somewhat odd question by a friend, I responded with "Not too keen about it, but the other option would be death, so not really much else one can do."

So this shall be my summer vacation.

All I can say is... so much for not smoking or drinking all my life and for being active through most of it.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Wherever I may roam...

It got a little sweaty out there today, working in the yard in the morning and then this evening, as well as the walk to the office and home. I was running out of clothes to unsweatify in, so went to look for something comfortable to slip into. The other day, I had pulled a storage box from the closet which had summer clothes in it, so went to see what I could grab from there. Peeking out from a ziploc bag? Concert t-shirt... Metallica... I recall it was May... but what year? Turns out it was 1992... 25 years and 5 days ago... Crazy.... doesn't seem that long ago, but also seems like a lifetime... I had cut the sleeves off when I first got it, but the fabric is in great shape. Perfect.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Lights go out... by one...
the voices once so strong...
lost forever in the howling wind...

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Bring this beauty to life...

I would love to have a copy, but sadly cannot afford it at this time.

Please support the creation of this beautiful book here.  

Friday, May 12, 2017


Day 10
I find myself firmly planted in a place called home and I feel completely lost... yet again...  Against my better judgment, I am spending money I do not have, on a Passport, in order that I may go on a trip I cannot afford, to a destination I know not where.

Monday, May 8, 2017

From a favourite 10 cent comic book...

to this...

There seems to be an entire generation of females lamenting the fact that there were and are no positive role models for girls. Sorry, but I got mine from 10 cent comic books and books I read. In looking back, Wonder Woman and Mlle Marie were the two that stand out from my childhood. It is rather funny that in the past I did not think that I actually had any role models. I did not even realize until now, in my 50th year, that these comic book characters were pretty much it. As a teenager, of the sci-fi/fantasy books I read, it is the ones with female characters as the protagonist that made the most impact. The other funny thing? I didn't want to look like them or emulate them. It was the content of their character.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Ram... D9

Day 9

I discovered late yesterday that although I had been doing Sudoku puzzles - "evil" -  almost every day for at least four or five years, I had no clue... whatsoever... how to do them anymore... at all... and it has only been just over two months now that I stopped. 

Tuesday, May 2, 2017


... starting to happen again...
... as well as the penny showing up in the middle of the table...

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

One Hela Movie...

Little kid kinda excitement ...

Monday, March 27, 2017

Ram... D8

Day 8

I had it wrong. I am going to have a MPI, not MBI. Myocardial Perfusion Imaging is what it is. I hadn't looked at the full name on the sheet. Radioactive dye for the third time in eighteen years. I just realized that now. Interesting tidbit.