Greetings from Spockgirl Musings, where logic rules, but the frailties of
human nature, genetic inadequacies and hormonal imbalances wreak havoc.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

The hurting...


This was a great album (1983) and this was one of my favourite songs from it, along with Pale Shelter, Change and Mad World, the latter which I posted a cover of the other day. Oddly enough, the line that remained etched in my mind for all these years was "Memories fade but the scars still linger." The words had nothing much to do with me directly then nor even now, however for whatever reason, they stayed with me.

*****

I have been writing and posting here on a fairly regular basis in the past few months, but the last couple days I just haven't been feeling much like anything... at all. It would be nice if the lack of interest was an indication that I have somehow managed to get my life back on track.. or that I had inexplicably discovered my path to growth and renewal. Sadly... that is not the case. My vision and clarity, both literally and figuratively, have been clouded at best, as I face the swirling gray abyss of the daylight hours with a sense of apprehension. I close my eyes waiting for the tears to well up, waiting for someone else's sorrow to lubricate my soul.

*****

A few nights ago this question popped into my head: "If I am right here, where did I go?"  So today as I struggled with muddled thoughts the song "This is Not" came to mind, as well as these words from a Linkin Park song.

All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal.
.....
I kept everything inside and even though I tried,
it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
 a memory of a time when
I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

(from "In the End" by Linkin Park)

*****

I guess I had better hurry up and find myself before I lose myself completely.

4 comments:

Dan said...

Wow, that's a great album / thanks for the reminder and really fond memories of all those songs.
I went through the not wanting to post for a couple of months and took a break. All the best and Happy Easter.

Spockgirl said...

Dan:
Music is at the heart of it all... at least for me it is. (Well, music and food.)

I sincerely hope that you "not wanting to post for a couple of months" was not for the same reasons as me not wanting to post for a couple days.

Happy Easter too!

Paul S said...

I'm sorry I've not been over much recently Spockgirl, I've hardly been on blogger but reading this post really struck a chord.
I've been trying to improve my vision and clarity for the past couple of years but the last 6 or 8 weeks I've really struggled and yes I've felt tearful every day recently too.
I hope you feel better soon.
Happy Easter.

Spockgirl said...

Paul:
I did notice on your blog a short while back that you had taken a breather. Hope you had a relaxing trip and that perhaps it helped you refocus a little?

Happy Easter and better wishes to you as well.