The past few days I've been hungry... really hungry... Not completely ravenous, but just barely shy of that. I am not sure what it is, but it seems to be tied in with the nights starting to get colder and the change of season. I also noticed that I have been more inclined to listen to older music again, stuff that I hadn't heard in a long while. The heavier stuff. Speaking of heavy... that also seems to be a personal theme as of late as well. Not dreadfully dull, dark and dreary ... just plain ole heavy. That damn weight of nothing again... or the wait of nothing.
In some regards I have regained focus, but I know that that focus will not take me anywhere. The rest of me... my mind... continues to swirl around chaotically beneath the calm surface. To weep or to scream seems to be the order of the day, but neither quite fits. Silence it is. Silence it shall be. I've been trying to fight that feeling again... that there is nothing here... that I was not meant to be here. I'm too old to be falling asleep with tears in my eyes. At least I've somehow managed to curtail that for the most part. Is there such a thing as middle-aged angst? Maybe it is just the lunar alignment or something weird like that. At least my stomach isn't in knots this time. It behooves me to say that I may be in need of comfort and reassurance, and I know that this does not come in human form.
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